Wednesday, January 2

two keys i need on my chain


i believe, it is so easy to be influenced by your internal self worth. the guide that you have constantly measured yourself with through your life. and i am starting to notice that my measuring tape is a little short. today I realize I am using the wrong set of standards to do my work, to follow my passion, to live my life by. 

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving."             Colossians 3:23-24
sometimes when I am sitting down to edit pictures, i wait until i feel "motivated" or that creative spark to do it. i figure, as an "artist" that is all good and well, but it is not the way and will of the Lord to just do it when you please. now i know, not everyone is an artist-singing, drawing, or dancing but we all have been given a talent. Maybe we can organize the mess out of an office, or we crunch numbers like no ones business, maybe our attention to detail is CIA style. some of us even know how to get down with homeschooling and managing a home like a fortune 500 business. We all have been given something to be good at. thats just the plan. and it is important that whatever we do, we do it with all our heart and as if working for the Lord. the keys to fulfillment. 

so today i got down, opened up the laptop and am plowing my way through 1000's of pictures. they have value because God blessed me with the talent to take them and now its time to share them. 

Tuesday, January 1

New Year 2013


towards the end of the year, i started to hear rumblings of folks true feelings towards me. it was an interesting  month because i never thought i did anything mean spirited towards anyone and so i was shocked to hear that i wasn't liked or even taken seriously. i guess i never out any mind to it until it hurt. im not saying im a perfect friend but "i thought we were friends" :)

i am saying this to say that it sparked something new in me. 

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is--his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2
This is a new year and a time to reflect on a new me. when you go to a well for nourishment and the well has run dry, then you musn't keep returning to that same well. not that im saying that the well is bad or that the well should be given away. just that its not the place to go back to to get what you need. it will just have to be fixed later when you yourself learns how to fix the well. there is a time and place for all things and all relationships.

"a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,  a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak," Ecclesiastes 3:6-7

What i really understand though is i must take myself seriously as well. what i put out for others and from me must be something i believe in as well. There are a few women in my life that i admire because they are overcoming what holds them back. i have told them so, but i realize that i need to put that same positive encouragement into my own heart. admire myself for overcoming what holds me back. and i always tell my oldest that everybody has an opinion of her. some good, some bad. but what matters most is her own opinion of herself, otherwise she will take someone elses and it may not be the good one she chooses.

Time to take my own advice and put it into practice. As well, it matters what i use to judge my own self with. And I know its time to renew my own mind according to Gods vision and design of who i am and what he intended me to be.

Happy New Year friends. stay looking forward. its time.

Monday, December 10

I am Second: Day One: Creation


No Other

I am the Lord,
and there is no other. . . .
I, the Lord, speak the truth;
I declare what is right. . . .
Ignorant are those who carry about idols of wood,
who pray to gods that cannot save. . . .
Turn to me and be saved,
all you ends of the earth;
for I am God, and there is no other. . . .
Before me every knee will bow;
by me every tongue will swear.
They will say of me, “In the Lord alone
are deliverance and strength.”
All who have raged against him
will come to him and be put to shame.
—Isaiah 45:18b, 19b, 20b, 22, 23b–24

I Am Second

Sunday, November 25

Thanksgiving

When I was 15, I knew we were poor. The knowledge came as a gift basket from our church. And then a Christmas tree that same year. I never felt poor before.  We didn't have the brand name things but that didn't make me feel poor. We ate, we had clothes, we had a house. No poor here. I played all sports and socialized. Poor still not being in my vocabulary.

Than one evening a knock came to our door and there stood my friends, church teachers and leaders, delivering a gift basket. Food, desserts, and the realization we were one of "those" families. The ones I'd gone out to help deliver to in the past this same time of year. With my friends and leaders. And then it happened again at Christmas. A tree, and Christmas carols, and smiles and awkwardness. We definitely were one of those families.

This year, our church gave to us bags and bags of food. And we have more food in the house than we've had in months. And instead of being humiliated, i was humbled. I couldn't appreciate the giving then because I didn't understand what my mom struggled with; not being able to work hard enough or fast enough and still fall short. I am humbled now and more grateful now and more importantly I understand Gods grace is forever working around me. There is no "poor" when Gods riches already speak for and provide for us.

Psalm 37:24 (NKJV)

"Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with His hand."

Saturday, October 20

Happy Anniversary

The unfailing love of the LORD never ends! By his mercies we have been kept from complete destruction.
For the Lord does not abandon anyone forever. Though he brings grief, he also shows compassion according to the greatness of his unfailing love."

Lamentations 3

Today is out 4th year of marriage and even though it hasn't been blissful, who really believes they're Cinderella :)

Right as this moment we are experiencing loss in ways we didn't imagine or couldn't see coming. Some material things; lights, gas, phones, tv, internet...some not; the hubbys vision. But as in scripture we are reminded that all is not totally destroyed, or lost. We still have the love for one another. We have the love of our children. And quite honestly, we still have our apt.

So today I will let the kids sleep in, then do what moms do...make breakfast, lunch, and dinner, clean house, look after the hubbys recovery, find ways to entertain the kids, play a million rounds of go fish....and love on everyone just a little but more. Especially the hubby...Including God.

Happy Anniversary.

Thursday, October 18

The Lions Den


There is a song that says, "what if i stumble, what if i fall? what if i lose my step and make fools of us all? will the love continue, when the walk becomes a crawl..."

This is one of those moments in our lives that has us wondering what happens now. We have had a really challenging year with the hubbys eyesight. We keep saying, "He is way to young" We didnt see this coming (no pun intended). But this is where we are...43, blind and wondering how do we get through. Truth of the matter is, right this minute I am falling on my knees asking God for a way to reveal itself to us. Our lights are cut off and the little rent we have due is coming up and the registration on the car is months past due and we keep wondering when does it end. Seems I cant work fast enough or hard enough to keep up. When you think its bad, it can get worse. 

The good thing about faith is knowing that no matter how far down the rabbit hole you fall, God will pick you up. I feel something for my husband I've never felt before because I don't know what it feels like to not be able to see; Life, the kids...me. And as a man, to not be able to keep the family secure because he cant work. I'm trying to do as much as I can to help him. 

I didn't intend to come on here for a pity party because I know that no one man or person is my source. God is. And only He can help someone have the heart, notion, grace to help us. I just wanted to see if I had the nerve to set my pride aside and ask for financial help. So if you are moved to help us, there is a paypal button below. If not, we continue to pray for the doors of opportunity to open and that we dont have to be down here for much longer. 

God is good all the time and I will follow in the footsteps of Job learning that God wants us to learn beyond what we can presently see. "Wait on the LORD; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the LORD!" (Psalm 27:14)

TWO WAYS TO HELP AND SUPPORT

http://redskyent.wix.com/arsp


OR

The Blind Mouse Donation












Tuesday, October 9

Live Like That






Sometimes I think
What will people say of me
When I'm only just a memory
When I'm home where my soul belongs

Was I love
When no one else would show up
Was I Jesus to the least of those
Was my worship more than just a song

I want to live like that
And give it all I have
So that everything I say and do points to You
























Saturday, September 29

LOL

I envy my husband for being able to listen to and watch things like prank radio and Martin...and to laugh loudly; even in the midst of the Great Depression in our home. Trust me, we got soup kitchen lines happening right here.

Saturday, September 8

NC17-rated

“We are all like the bright moon, we still have our darker side.” - Khalil Gibran

sitting in traffic can leave you  prisoner to the thoughts of the day you just experienced. you may find yourself listening to easy listening or classical music on your drive home to soothe the beast of frustration. me...i like to feed the beast...don't judge :)











Sunday, September 2

40 or 41?



I have completed 40 years now and i am officially embarking into the 40's.
     if you look at it, we actually celebrate at the end of a birth year rather than the beginning.
so as i start my 41st year i not only wonder how old will i say i am but will i continue to accept someones else bad mojo that they placed on my life.

I've spent 40 years being about someone elses idea of what my life was to be about; influenced by alot of tragic moments. Not to say there weren't some great memories but i didn't develop my own self worth and took the word of others who didn't have much to give, only to take.

Well, i'm ditching that and listening to a great someone much bigger and more knowledgeable about who I am, than I am about my own self. my own creator.

 "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world." [john 4:4] 

Monday, April 23

15 Things to Give Up to Be Happy


Here is a list of 15 things which, if you give up on them, will make your life a lot easier and much, much happier. We hold on to so many things that cause us a great deal of pain, stress and suffering – and instead of letting them all go, instead of allowing ourselves to be stress free and happy – we cling on to them. Not anymore. Starting today we will give up on all those things that no longer serve us, and we will embrace change. Ready? Here we go:
1. Give up your need to always be.....
article written by purposefairy.com

Friday, February 10

I'm Here Late Nights through 2012

I haven't written one thought this year. 2012. February and still nothing. I was having a blog identity crisis and trying to figure out what direction I wanted to go in. I do that often. With my hair, with my "career", with my design of my living room.....with my blog. I start going and then I feel like I need a change. I dont know if its the impact I want it to have. (exhibit a: about to cut hair again. oh and definitely color, 'cause all this gray is rather annoying and making me look OLD)

So i love to reflect back often. conversations, journals, old tv shows....and so i set in to find a particular post because i had an idea. instead what I found was Last Years Resolutions and that I could made myself laugh. I was laughing so hard reading some of the things I had written before. Amazing, if i say so myself. So rather than do what I've been doing and pouting my way through life and being, what my mom used to say i was, "melodramatic" (that used to melodramatically hurt when i was 14)...i am going to just be me. I'm rather funny. and life is rather difficult. but its mine and maybe you will learn and maybe i will learn.

But to jump start this 2012 journey (before it all ends..lol) here is something I was amazed that came out of little ol me.

Feb 04, 2010 | I wrote a letter to God today. Really. I sent it to post on my blog but it didn't show up. I was in the middle of feeling broken by a few challenges that i've had these last few weeks. I was worn down. I told God I had made the choice to choose him over an addiction or an escape. And I believe he really took that letter for His personal collection. I thank Him for being available to me. I know its hard to choose the untouchable, the intangible, the unbelievable. But I do. And even when I start to feel broken I find the peace inside of me much quicker than I use to. The choice...is easy. Its which choice you make that involves work. And surprisingly, giving up is easy. Practicing Faith is not. But the outcome is much much sweeter. 

come back if you want, i'm here late nights and everything i say and do is ALWAYS IN LOVE.

Friday, December 30

I am Second - Day 11


What do you crave that is eating up your time and attention?
Today trade "it" or "him" or "her" for time with Jesus.
Read a chapter in the book of John.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God."


Tuesday, December 27

Merry Christmas 2011

two very precious people : The Rat & The Chef

why just these two?

I think that moments like this are few and far between. The Chef doesn't do photos ... unless the Rat is with him. For her, he will do just about anything. I am thankful for this father daughter relationship. I didn't get quite the same growing up. I am not sad about that now because I have a really amusing relationship with my dad now. But I know it will make a difference in the Rats life because of it now. They are ying and yang in a million ways. But that is the beauty of this relationship. I don't imagine they are quite one without the other.

Tuesday, December 20

Vitor Belfort: I am Second

Day 10 | I am Second [22] Day Challenge

VIDEO: Vitor Belfort: I am Second

What pain do you need to ask Jesus to take from you today?

The holidays are always the most intense time of the year for people to feel so sad and discouraged and hopeless and angry. I've struggled with all those emotions. But this is a season of JOY!

I was listening to Christmas music this morning as I was out working and as I was singing, the words just seemed like new words to me. I love Christmas music. Love, love, love. I'd like to believe I am a Christmas music expert. But this year singing them meant something a little more deeper. This year as been a year for me to finally move through some more of the pain I have experienced in my life. We all do. We all suffer, we all lose, we all are challenged. And sometimes we just don't know how to handle those emotions. And during this time of year, many people can get caught up in the sadness of it all and many will take there lives. I am living and understanding more and more that you don't have to take your life to make those feelings go away. You have to give your life...give it to our Savior, Jesus. In that there is freedom. And its not a perfect journey. Its not meant to be perfect. But it is so much easier when you have someone who already knows how to carry such a burden when he has already carried the weight of a cross.

"Carrying the cross by himself, he went to the place called Place of the Skull, which is called in the Hebrew Golgotha" | John 19:17

Saturday, December 17

Storm Chasers

I'm sitting here watching Wacky Races with the Rat and the Bean. At 5 & 6 they really have no idea how cool this moment is. To sit and watch a show I loved as a kid. Muttley the dog has my favorite kinda laugh ever!

This is such a peaceful moment compared to the day that lies behind me. It started off this calm and cool. And then oh drat! it went horribly wrong. And me the tornado tore through the house. Couch cushions and clothes and shoes and dress bags, dishes and dvds all strewn this way and that. I had a project due for the church's end of year dinner and I couldn't get it to work. This neat freak can do some damage. I tore the house up in frustration. I put my bid in for the Oscar with my tear driven academy performance; throwing myself across the bed, sobbing and drowning in large amounts of self pity.

And all the meanwhile there was the Chef, chilling, watching t.v. without a care in the world. Me and Dick Dastardly are quite the same in that we put so, so much effort to get what we want and we end up losing in the end. Now I don't have the same dastardly intentions as he does but the effort is the same. This new year I plan on being more calm and cool like the Pink Panther (can you see we've moved on in cartoons) and the Chef. See he is like Penelope Pitstop. Not in a girly way of course. But in the way that she would ride and just be chill in the race. Getting her hair and makeup done while crossing the finish line.

The Chef said, in my whirlwind, "its ok, we'll get there when we get there. We'll be right on time". And sure enough when we got there, I could see that they weren't even set up for my part of the night. And we didn't even do the project. All that stress and craziness only to end in such disappointment.
But at the end of the night the kids put it all into perspective and brought laughter to it all when they got to play in the snow machine. They laughed so hard and squealed in delight! It didn't even matter. But I do know this, no more underdog for me. Not this year. I love my family way too much, and they love me 100 times more, to even let me be a failure. Because no matter who I disappoint outside my doors, the Chef, the Doll, the Bean & the Rat will always think I'm on top. Thank God for my storm chasers.

Romans 12:2
"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."
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Friday, December 2

Santa Claus Is [NOT] Coming to Town

I admit: Christmas is NOT my favorite holiday. This time of year is so up and down for me. On the down: trying to keep up with the target and toys r us of it all. Worrying about having gifts under the tree has been highly stressful. Heck, even having to start over and explain there is no Santa to the babies is harder this year than before with the oldest.

The up side: christmas music and the spirit of giving, just as God would see fit.

"And give according to what you have, not what you don't have. Of course, I don't mean your giving should make life easy for others and hard for yourselves." 2 Corinth 8:12

I admit for the past 6 or so years, I just haven't been able to give according to what I used to have. And it gets harder every year. Of course we always want to overload on the gifts for the kids! But because I don't believe in ol Saint Nick I am trying to focus more on the real reason Christmas is celebrated. And to my kids, it is so easy to sound like a crazy ol coot. "No Santa!"

Well....this year I had decided to follow the tradition of advent rather than focus on what we don't have. And we began with reading the very first chapter in Genesis. And you know what I got...a Booooo. Now granted the kid is six but I was stunned that my lil church goer would boo the bible. And then in a matter of hours ask me when was Santa bringing his DS....*jaw dropping* "No! Santa!" Aw snap, all the waters broke loose. Kids crying and screaming. "I want him to come tonight!" "I want presents" The Chefs saying tell them Santa is Jesus ...


What just happened????

No, Santa is not coming to this town ....

Wednesday, November 30

Dear God, Thank You for This Crummy Job


The High Calling

by David Rupert


I remember the days when I bounded out of bed, ready to seize the day.
Back then, work was a joy. My coworkers banded together as we found new solutions to fix problems. My chain of command was empowering. My duties were challenging and fresh, engaging my mind and abilities.
That was yesterday.
These days, the workplace has a certain sense of gloom. The economy hasn’t treated my company well. When I enter my building, it seems as if half the lights are dimmed, probably to save electricity. But it certainly doesn’t help the atmosphere.
Many of my coworkers have left through early retirement or have been forced out through downsizing. Those that are left have the duties of two or three, with no other resources to call on.
All the managers are stressed, trying to keep the fiscal boat afloat while still delivering a valuable product. At times the duties are creative and challenging, but I mostly find new ways to tell a continuing saga of sagging revenues, depressed demand and a bleak future. It’s a crummy position to be in, for sure.
I sense that I’m not alone. As I talk to friends, I’m finding that many of them have gone from the rolls of short-term unemployed to long-term. Others are underemployed, finding work as temps or part time workers, benefits trimmed or stripped outright.
And for those that are still working, they have to do way more with way less.
Rather than let my employment challenges drag me down, I’ve decided to take back the workplace for God’s glory, and I’m doing it through an attitude of gratitude. The seed of thankfulness was first planted by scripture, “In all things give thanks.” It was watered by The High Calling editor, Ann Voskamp, with her book, One Thousand Gifts, where she dares me to “live fully”, right where I am.
So, I’m putting the challenge into action. And it’s working.
First of all, I’m thankful I even have a job. When I think about my friends Steve and Becky, and a host of others stuck in pervasive unemployment, my complaints just feel wrong.
I’m thankful for the challenge, and even the frustrations. Through fire and trial, I’m becoming God’s man.
I’m thankful for the out-of-control schedule, the 117 unopened e-mail messages and the drop-everything-projects. I think there’s some patience to be gained in all this.
I’m thankful for my coworkers, and I often find myself saying this sort of prayer: “Lord, bless them in the stress.” We’re in this together, and using a calm voice of reason might just work wonders.
I’m thankful for every penny that my employer sends my way. I haven’t always earned it.
In every way, I’m grateful for this crummy job.
Post by David Rupert.
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