Late Night Confession

Love Dare: Day 18

LOVE SEEKS TO UNDERSTAND was todays focus.

The dare: prepare a special dinner at home...and seek to gain

more understanding about your spouse.

Could 20 years from now we love one another the same. we know this is a challenge because sometime you just dont want to speak to each other. rather just hit each other in the head for acting up :) sometimes we can not lean on our own understanding,even when it comes to our spouse. This is not a two-person relationship.

We have come to learn that if we forget our
committment to God we will forget our committment to each other.

I do thank God for the blessing
of communication right now
in our marriage.
And we came together tonight to break bread as one

this was a rare occassion because we are from different worlds. as kids, my mom sat down every night and ate dinner with us. in fact i realize now she was pretty crafty in making each of us help prepare the dinner and set the table. It kept three kids busy from getting into trouble, one with the other. we may not have gotten along but we had to face each other every night at the table. the ultimate showdown as we got older. it wasnt until we got older that we were left to our own vices. since we knew how to cook, there was no excuse for going hungry.

For the Chef, he prefers to come home, wind down and eat in the bedroom. true..and i'm use to it. at first it use to hurt my feelings. But then you come to understand over time [and MANY arguments] why he functions the way he does. He grew up in a home with 8 people all fighting for space, time and attention. So to be off on your own is heaven; peace. But every now and again, I can lure him out with something good. Like a dare.....or an ultimatum...



veggie protein "chicken" with grilled red onions and three pepper blend
romaine mix salad and rosemary and garlic tortellini - a vegetarian's dream cuisine

Late Night Confessions

Its been awhile since i've had a chance to sit on the couch and talk. We've been hanging at the younger brothers house; us married folks with babies abound. Just chillin, talkin, & eating. We throw in a movie every now and then. So most nights lately by the time we get home, the kids are fast asleep and I try to catch up on the house and then crash and burn.

I must confess I am pleased with what has transpired over the last few weeks with the relationship I have with my younger brother and my sister-in-law. We have all come to understand a little bit more about humbleness and understanding give and take. Sometimes when your going through challenges, its the take part you struggle with. You never want to feel like a burden. But I know its all in cycles. Sometimes you give and sometimes you take. And its never in vain and its never by your own hand in either case. God works through you to be a blessing and he certainly works through others to be a blessing to you in return. And sometimes He picks people who you NEVA thought would be the ones. Ones who help you to grow...again.

I've had plenty of those. My ex was one to help me to grow in leaps and bounds. By all accounts he wasn't supposed to. My husband and being married has challenged me to grow. And my brothers (at least two of em) have really helped me to grow another inch. In a good direction. (cuz heaven forbid we talk about growing sideways...ha)

Anyway its late and i'm SUPER tired and I think i'm starting to talk nonsense. Bottom line is I am thankful for the challenges i've had. They stopped feeling like challenges after the first day though. That's a good sign. So instead of learning to deal with loss, I am learning to appreciate gain.
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Accepting Change

I have to admit, my social life from when I was single to being married is very different. I remember a time when I socialized quite a bit. And even when I was in a relationship with my husband prior to being married, if he didn't want to go then it was easy to just say ok, go, and then see him later. Now, if plans bomb, its not that easy to just say ok, go, and then say I'll see you later. If one doesn't go, we both don't go. And he isn't much for socializing. I miss my social life. I really do.
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The Hubby

A moment in our relationship happened the other day that we were discussing in a very positive way. And from that discussion came these words,

                             "...I don't want the old you..."

And it brought a tear to my eye.

Ok, maybe it was more than a few (for those who know the passionate side of me) But I did something the other day that I felt like reminded him of when we first got together...what I've been referring to as the old me in other discussions we've had. And it has been a discussion off and on for sometime since we got married because there had been a definite and clear change in who I was in the relationship when we married. And its not some MAJOR change, like I instantly became some recluse or worse, some old nag....haha. Its just that we had a lot of trust to rebuild and we had to apply alot more of Faith "from this day forward." And I think I felt that he needed me to be that person again.


He said he accepted the change because he knew the circumstances that led to it and his role in it. But that made it like he owed me for the rest of the marriage for the scandal before the marriage. But I have to say that it was one of the nicest things he had said to me and one of the most liberating moments for us both. The love is a little deeper, you know...when you just...................smile......

another small step for married-kind.

The Other Woman

This has really been bugging me for days now. This notion of the "other woman" being a homewrecker. uugghh. I mean, i guess now that I have been both sides of the coin, i can feel both sides of the issue. I hate that I was introduced to the world of cheating. Surprisingly it wasnt in this relationship or even my previous adult relationships that I was snuck into this world. I had to say I was probably 12, maybe a year or two older. I'd have to dig deep on this one. But I knew something wasnt right about what I heard and it felt funny in my young mind. But I had already been exposed to so much that a young girl should not have known, so i passed it off as another new "secret".

But all my life its been ever present. Thinking you're someone special while you're in it. And throwing down with Karma when she comes around to kick your a$$ on the other side. 

So I guess its been bugging because I thought about when it relates to affairs, the woman (or man) is the home wrecker, when it was the husband (or wife) who stepped outside of the marriage selfishly. So who really wrecked who's home???? Who's home was it to PROTECT & SERVE to begin with. I guess its easy to be mad at the "other woman" because she is the unknown. You would never expect the one you love to be the one to do the damage. How could they? And now that I am myself married, I have to wonder...I mean, having this knowledge of this world..its like never forgetting how to ride a bike or shoot a gun. once you have the knowledge you cant escape it. Thats why I'm anti-gun :)

The Day After

So we did it. We got married and it was so surreal. I kept wanting to get out of my own body and step out and look at all that was going on. There were more people than I imagined. We didnt even have enough chairs set up! It was so crazy.

The beauty of it all was the moment when my dad spoke. Our parents were asked to share their words of wisdom for us. And my dad got up and read a scripture in Kreyol for us and then he told us right there with his hand on my moms shoulder, how immature and unprepared he had been to love and care for my mom. I think, even though no one says it now, but I think it opened the door for healing in ways that never had been open before. I looked over and my brother was sobbing and I...I was so proud. We've made mistakes. My husband included. [see look there it is :) ]

You have to take a stand for your life and go to God and ask him what do you need me to do. what is your purpose for me. I think that even though my dad wasnt there for us growing up, he now can claim he's been there for us when it counted and was needed most. his mistakes, our lesson, his purpose maybe.

I am now officially the Mrs. ..........totally wierd!