God

I intended to come on today and talk about the shift in my life towards healing that seems to have come over night. I still will but I have to say that I was listening to Mandy Moore's cover of Umbrella by Rihanna. I was really mad that I started to until I heard it. One, Mandy Moore isnt someone i really listen too. in fact i can almost guarantee that I havent heard one of her songs. And two, Umbrella is sickeningly simple and sometimes I cant stand that kinda music. Of course I know all the words because you just cant help yourself. This combination of the two was pretty moving though. Maybe its just the place I find myself in today. But it was pretty hot.

But then as I logged in thinking no one reads this stuff and if they do, they are probably random people, I get a comment posted by someone I admire very deeply. And she brought me to tears for her compassion. I know that God will light the way. I understand that all of this that I have been through even up until last week as been meant for me to bring to light faith and how you use it. I always believed in God. Struggled tremendously with it when I was 18. Almost lost my mind over understanding my relationship with God.

But in fact our pastors word this Sunday was...do you wait on the Lord in unbelief or with expectation. And as usual, I had just discovered a few days before that we live in expectation every day and night. We go to bed expecting to wake up. We wake up expecting to have food to eat, and clothes to wear, and so on and so on. So it was as is always Gods way of expanding on those thoughts with Sundays message. So I know that I need to practice carrying that thought process through the day. I expect that my financial situation is going to be turned around and that my relationship will heal and my confidence and self-pride will return. I will love again, me, him, and all that is around me. Maybe three years ago when all this started to head downhill, I was on the other side of the fence and waited on the Lord, but thinking that more than likely it wasnt going to get better. And as they would say in "The Secret", laws of attraction are a b****! lol.

But I am good. We talked a very good talk last night and realized that just as in a drive by shooting (i live in the hood, example close to home...lol), that innocent 8 year old on the corner didnt deserve to be hit by the stray but it happens. And I am thankful that he could apologize for that and try to help us turn our relationship around and build a family that God has intended for us. When you are trying to achieve Gods purpose for yourself and those around you, Satan can really choke you out and make everything appear dreary. Funny now that I think of it, God is my umbrella. I didnt really plan for this entry to end this way but wow. How things change in the blink of an eye.

You're part of my entity,

here for Infinity

When the war has took it's part

When the world has dealt it's cards

If the hand is hard, together we'll mend your heart

because

When the sun shines, we’ll shine together

Told you I'll be here forever

Said I'll always be a friend

Took an oath I'ma stick it out till the end

Now that it's raining more than ever

Know that we'll still have each other

You can stand under my umbrella

You can stand under my umbrella