Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.
That's Matthew 10:39. And since I can remember from the age of 12 that scripture has haunted me. I grossly misinterpreted it at that age. There was a time when I knew that somehow, maybe deep inside I was sabotaging my healing (when I got an opportunity to get it) because I was afraid to live. I had the chance to recover from the damages of my youth. And a young girl I knew said to me once that she thought I liked being in pain. I remember being so mad! And honestly quite offended because maybe she was right. But to me if I lived my life would be taken. And as much and as often as I begged God to take me back to heaven I didn't really want to go.
Now forward 20+ years later and I have 3 beautiful children who's lives I DO NOT want to miss and the scripture has come back to haunt me. I understand its meaning loud and clear now. Just as I am finally finding my peace. Just as I finally am not afraid of lifes challenges. I know that the promise is that my treasures are laid up in heaven. Done deal. But can I just keep them on layaway a lil while (well maybe a lot) longer while I enjoy the fruits of my "labor" here on earth??? :)
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