Looking inside from the outside it may seem as if my life is unstable and unpredictable because I don't live in standard, typical, routine nine-to-fiver-ville. But inside of me, and not my life, is the predictability of a peaceful spirit. The stable, calm, steady beat of my spirit. Inside of me is the rum-tum-tum of my life. I know this more in the last year than in the past 30 years (not my age, trust).
I am learning that even though I may have been traumatized and victimized as a child, it is not the marker for my life. It does not define my life as a "bad life". I've spent way to much time maintaining that spirit of being destined to have a life of instability. Always waiting for something bad to happen. Always waiting as its been said "for the other shoe to drop". Always thinking it into existence. Not giving goodness a chance. Not meant to accomplish much kinda life.
And in the past year, I've noticed that it has really kept me from good, prosperous movement. It's been more detrimental to where I should have been by maintaining that spirit.
Maintaining...upkeep...putting infinite amounts of time and attention to a matter or object. In this case, an awful spirit of you-deserve-nothing-ness. As told to me by those who cared nothing for me. Makes no sense. I should have risen up above those circumstances to say, liar, liar pants on fire. THAT IS NOT MY LIFE.
Well, its never too late. Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda had to be dropped from my friends list. And no matter what anyone sees on the outside, I know what's on the inside and I thank God for his consistent spirit (Hebrews 13:8-" Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.") And I thank God for His spirit inside of me (1 John 4:4-"the one who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world").
And I am grateful for the revelation.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile
No comments:
Post a Comment