always in love

Sana sat at her computer staring at the blank white page, trying to breathe deep and let her mind go blank too. A few deep breaths and she still felt......blank. Not in a good way. Another deep breath and maybe a new thought would flow in and somehow the words would start to move her fingers on the keyboard. Originally Sana was going to write a thought a day for Anthony this year. So that she could express to him how she loved him. A time capsule of sorts that at the end of the year she could surprise him with. She was infatuated with him. The thoughts of him and the relationship they used to have raced through her mind day and night and she needed desperately to find a place to put them. She wondered if she could really pull that off. She did the first three days successfully. But soon she was at the same place she found herself in today, lost in the blankness. It just wasn't creative enough for her, so she put the journal away. 17 days later and she still couldn't escape the ache and so she tried one more time, looking at the empty book minus a few days.

Sana got up from the breakfast table that now had been transformed into her office desk, closed the computer top and headed upstairs to the shower. She had finally been able to clear a day in her schedule to see Anthony for the first time this year and she couldn't waste another minute on the empty page. She could just tell him face to face.

Lunch with Anthony was always a great expression of their friendship. They laughed and talked about family. He loved to share his writings with her. He always had some new work that he was talking about putting in his book. He wouldn't let her keep them but she respected his creativity enough to let him work through the "revisions". Sana hated to give the copies up but she hesitantly did so every time. He told her to trust that he would let her read some more later. But it always gave her a chance to flirt with him. Touch his skin, his dark brown, soft-to-the-touch-soul patch on his chin, his really nice firm biceps in his cool blue button down shirt. To watch his tongue ring bling every other word. And those beautiful full brown lips of his. Kissable, untouchable full lips. Anyway, they had so much fun talking with such ease and she knew that even though they couldn't be more than just friends right now, this friendship is exactly what she needed and would design it to be. One hour is not enough once every three months she thought. "I wish I had days with him. I would love to spend one beautiful day laughing and hanging out and talking about everything under the sun without time as our thief"...