No one reads this crap

so what the heck, ima dish it all out. I am so angry about this "relationship" im in. everyday i pray for it to rain down on me a way to get out. i want out so bad. and when i say get out, i mean, i need a place to move to, a job to get, and just my own life back. i lost so much coming into this relationship. i gained two beautiful children but at a terrible price to my spirit. and it hurts i guess that i let that happen. he didnt force me into this. he didnt beat me into this. i just thought we had a good relationship and that he loved me.  he didnt make me stay broke for the last three years. give up all the financial stability i had before he came into my life. it hurts to not even hang out with my friends anymore cuz we cant afford the gas let alone the night out. all i had i always gave to him because i felt bad. i also felt hopeful though that once he dealt with his crisis we would make our way successfully into a sound future.

but at every turn he was talking, seeing, and sleeping with someone else. many other elses. man i begged and i pleaded for him to change. we had a new baby on the way. and then i begged some more...we had another new baby on the way...and then i begged some more because we had a family we needed to raise. and i found myself still begging, still pleading, and he still went on thinking i just didnt see. I even had a door open for me to leave and be with someone else. i closed that door forever. and so every cycle, as it were, he has someone new he "misses" and calls and IMs and emails all day, everyday. phone, computer. I mean he is on them 16 hours a day sometimes. random f-in women he meets online. and how ironic it is that we met online ourselves. 

whats ironic about all of this is that when i used to watch Maury shows i would say that those woman whose men cheated on them were dumb for staying. that as SOON as i knew i would be out the door. fast forward to 3 years later when i am in the cheating relationship from hell. broke, torn up credit, no job, and no friends, and just tons and tons of heartache.