Running Over or Out?

I have so many things Ive been wanting to express...but I am channeling as much of my focus into this one subject (i'll get the rest later...come back).

I struggle with success. An odd statement I imagine but its true. Most people would claim its failure they cant stand. Me too, but its also success that frightens me a bit. My husband and I have this adventure that we go on every so often... he likes to go to open houses. All the time and ALL over. We've been doing this for the past four/five years. He may have been doing it way before me, I dont know. But when i say open houses, I dont just mean any ol' house. We are talking houses in those uppity neighborhoods :)... lol. Beautiful homes overlooking the coast, with garages that hold an entire fleet of cars, servants quarters and chefs dream kitchens, wine cellars, gyms, and it goes on and on. Now, most times some of this is ABSOLUTELY wishful thinking. But sometimes, I stop, really stop and wonder....is it possible? and should it be something I can think possible.

See heres the tug of war I am having. I hear on one hand that we should lay claim to the promises of God. "Luke 6:38 (KJS) Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again." Running over, you see, its there, right in our very own Bible. The Word. It says more than enough, not just enough to get by.

But I also lean towards feeling I should be more humble with it and one; thank God for what I have, and two; not ask for anything more than just something simple and just enough. "Deuteronomy 8:2 (NIV) Remember how the LORD your God led you all the way in the desert these forty years, to humble you and to test you in order to know what was in your heart, whether or not you would keep his commands."

It is such a challenge these two ideas because I have believed all my life for just enough and trying to appreciate what I have been given. Its not just wealth that defines me. But especially in the last three years before we got married, in my mind I feel like I lost a lot. I feel I am leaving the impression that I have slacked in responsibilities. My place financially is not sound And changing careers took its toll on what I should expect out of me and who i was and am. And it taken a long time to realize and accept that I had a new identity to create. And even now I am starting a new business and just the anxiety of creating it and keeping up with the demand is so high. Success makes me nervous. I don't much like the "open house" adventures because they feed into that anxiety of "what if". AS in what if we never get this or that. Its excruciating at times. This is not to say I do not believe in what God has for me, but isn't there the possibility of that not being for me. Isn't it possible that what I have in family and love is more than enough????

God wisely designed the human body so that we neither pat our own backs
nor kick ourselves to easily.