Many think money is the problem, but moneys never the problem. You're the problem. You've done something that isn't good and its showing up in your money.
The issue is self worth.
I own no riches and no self worth. But the Lord says to choose it over the riches.
Proverbs 22:1
"Choose a good reputation over great riches; being held in high esteem is better than silver or gold."
When I first left my job at the bank after 9 years, I set out to follow who I wanted to be rather than doing what I had to do. But it sorted of spiraled down into great sadness at first. My identity was tied up with my job; the friends I had, the places I socialized, the money I had. And now all that I was left with was the shadow of who I thought I was. I had picked up the bag of no self worth I had left behind in exchange.
I used to cry to God, what was the point of all this. I lost my apt, my car, my friends, my daughter, my money. I wasn't who I thought I was. I had felt at times this marriage has been a breeding ground for my broken-ness. I liked the comfort of unmotivation I was allowed to have. I felt safe in being safe in taking no chances.
God needed me to be more, do more. Be absolute truthful to who I was at my core. I was walking around like I had it all. I prayed, went to church, claimed God but I never really operated from my spirit. I don't even think I realized that I was a spirit.
As I trek back, I wonder often if I'm there yet. Am I who I want to be? Am I who God needs me to be? As I build myself back up and learn to follow my dreams and polish the talent God has given me, the scripture says to "choose" a good reputation. So I march on with the hopes that in the end my children will be pleased with what I have tried to do, despite the lack of worldly treasures. And that God will be even more pleased. I'm trying to barter this old bag that's lacking self worth for two three bagfuls!
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