Part-time Mother

It never gets any easier to be a part time mom to my teenager. Its been 6 or 7 years now she's been living full time either with her dad or grandparents. And she will spend the next four years with her dad.

I admit, in the beginning I cried every weekend. It didn't feel right. Any time someone would ask how I was doing, I would cry about it. And then when she went to jr high I cried that whole summer. She was becoming a young woman. I felt she needed my touch to get through. I thought she needed to stay the path of consistency though. It was a tough two years because I could see my absence making a difference in her, even though no one believed that's what it was. Even though I was told, I didn't know my daughter like I thought I did.
Oh the worry that part-timeship was not working. And now as she begins her journey into high school, I see her looking to her dad for his opinion more and more and weighing the things I say against that. Its an odd feeling. And I realize quite selfish.

But I want to be selfish with my oldest. My first born. My springboard into motherhood. God placed her in my life and reshaped me. The time I have with her now is ever so much more precious to me. Soon she will be a young adult ready to trail off into college and the world making her own decisions. The impact she has on us when she is here and when she is NOT here is great. The babies are starting to form a relationship with her and can feel the difference without her here. They look up to big sis. She brings a great spirit into the house. Completeness that isn't felt the rest of the week. And it never gets any easier to drop her back off on the weekends. Thought it would by now...
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