Hope Deferred

Tonight I am having one of those moments when I feel worthless, unable, unrighteous.
Maybe I just don't see it. I never know if I'm on the side of righteousness or foolishness. I'm not saying I expect to be perfect. I just know that my sense of self worth is skewed. And not in a pity party kind of way. I just think that my fears are unjustified. They are foolish and lacking in great faith. And often times use perspective unwisely. And then my fears chokehold me that I forget which way is up.

"Hope deferred makes the heart sick." Proverbs 13:12

This is what I wrastle with. (Yes, wrastle) It's come up a few times; watching Passion of the Christ last month, a few friends of mine suffering life altering pain and today watching The Pianist. Its that idea of someone else suffering so greatly, that I feel so unworthy of receiving any redemption for what I have gone through. My pain pales in comparison.

I'm in an i-get-what-i-deserve mode.

"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me." John 14:1
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