We talked about holding out on the physical part of our relationship for 30 days before the wedding because we wanted to show a serious commitment to what God was asking of us. A chance to grow closer in conversation and in spirit. I mean granted...we have two kids together and we live together. But it is a cleanse of sorts. Yea, thats exactly what it is...a cleanse. We have a chance to reevaluate the situation between us and redefine who we are without "that" being in the mix. It can cloud your judgement. And for me it carried a lot of anger.
The biggest challenge has been for us not to lay the same judgements on each other because of certain behavior. For instance, in the past when i told him no it was because i was not feeling him. not in love, not happy, not attracted, nada, nothing, zilch. and i let it be known. you couldnt sleep in the same bed as me, sleep around, and expect that i was gonna be "in to you". But in the last 30 days its been because i want to stay committed to the plan. and he is learning that i dont hold the anger i had towards him anymore. he still pouts...BAD. but its just a few more days. And we wont feel bad anymore because we will be in a nutured place of God. A protected place. Thats the cool part of it all. No matter where we've been before with all this...God really has brought us through to a more beautiful, honorable, loving place.
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