Lessons from a Panda

"Your story may not have such a happy beginning but that doesn't make it who you are. It is the rest of your story. Who you choose to be. So who are you Panda?"

My childhood had good moments; there's no question. Roller skating, water hoses, family summer pool parties. But mostly it was bad...

I'm still trying to write my story and I keep back spacing, trying to find the courage to face what has arrived here. I have to reconcile with the past. Through the death and resurrection of Jesus, God has cleansed and forgiven and restored to Himself every man, woman and child on the face of this earth. All any of us have to do now is receive that good news. That's the part to contend with. How to receive. I become afraid often that if I open the door more bad news will be sitting on the other side. And not just bad news, something, that at my core, i believe is what's deserved in my life.

I thought I put out the fire of pain but an ember still burned and the trials have fanned the flames. I have no choice now but to face it before it engulfs my core and leaves me empty like the burnt shell of a building unable to fulfill its purpose.

It has all come down to a simple choice. Who do I want to be? I wonder lately who I was before the abuse began. Who was this seven year old free from shame and guilt and trepidation and worry.

I know part of this journey means I will have to speak the truth at some point to dump it and leave it behind for good. What do I want my story now to say about who I am? 

"The king is pleased with words from righteous lips;
he loves those who speak honestly." Proverbs 16:13

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